Kylo Ren Rants: The O.C.

This a semi-regular column in which Kylo Ren, will list his grievances against the galaxy. And no DAD, you can’t tell me what to say! And no! I’ll go see a movie on a school night if I want to! You underestimate my power!
I know there’s been a lot of speculation about this, but I’m going to clear all that up now. People have always said I’m an angry young man, but did you ever consider I have good reason to be? Here’s reason 18387 why things suck.

So good together.

Ryan and Marissa on The O.C. OK, ok, I know what you’re saying. Bro, let it go. The O.C.? The TV show? The O.C. hasn’t been on TV for like ten years. Let it go they tell me. BUT I CAN’T!
Look at these two. Ryan and Marissa. They’re soooooo good together, right? Even though he’s from like Chino and she’s totally like this fancy pants SoCal rich girl, they’re sooooo good together. So good. 
Only problem is Marissa has this douche for a boyfriend named LUKE. Luke! I hate that NAME! He thinks he’s the big deal in the OC. 
Total douche. But actually he turns out to be kinda cool. But only later. Anyways, his douchiness pushes Marissa away, and now Ryan & Marissa can be together! Right? WRONG. Marissa’s got issues with Daddy (who doesn’t?!) and she like OD’s on a trip to Tijuana. O. M. G. 

This Sith Lord Will Always Love You Marissa.

So Marissa’s mom, who *of course* doesn’t like Ryan, sends her to rehab. Sure, you say, she’ll just get back with Ryan once she’s out of rehab. No biggie. Except she meets this uber-douche named Oliver, who’s all like “I’m you’re friend, girl”, except we all know he’s like totally just trying to get into Marissa’s pants. 
 What a freaking whiny baby. He’s like no one I’ve ever met ever. He’s totally not Marissa’s type. Anyways Ryan and Marissa realize they’re too good together and all is right with the universe once again. As I said, they’re soooo good together. 
 So, like this is where everything goes to crap. Ryan’s old “girl next door” girlfriend from Chino shows up and she’s all like “Guess what Ryan, I’m pregnant!”. O.M.G. part deux, rite?
But later on it turns out Ryan is like NOT THE FATHER and she just wanted a daddy figure for her kid. 
So cool, right? Everything should be good for Marissa and Ryan to get back together. Except like Marissa keep dating ALL THE WRONG GUYS and decides to be all bad girl. Drug dealers, the pool boy. Ryan’s idiot brother shows up and there’s an incident with a shooting. Marissa even falls for Olivia Wilde at one point, which OK I get it, it’s Olivia Wilde.
Anyways, Melissa eventually ends up with this Douche Lord, Volchok, who’s so the opposite of Ryan, and a drug dealer and all that. Like, really Marissa? If you wanted a uber-cool bad ass why not date someone with like I dunno … like a cool crossguard lightsaber?
And the show teases us that Marissa and Ryan will get back together because Volchok is so obviously not Ryan. But then they KILL Marissa in a car crash. Three years of me waiting for Ryan and Marissa to get together only to see this:

They were sooooo good together.

 ARGH! WHY?! If these two can’t get together then what hope is there for the rest of us to be happy? What’s the point? I watched every Thursday *faithfully* and this is how I’m rewarded? No Ryan and Marissa ever? 
Couldn’t they just have Marissa move away or go to school in Europe? Why kill her off? Now they can’t even bring her back in an OC reunion. Or a Hulu series reboot. Nothing. Three years of my life — a waste! What’s Mischa Barton even doing these days? Anyone have her number or something? Just kidding. But seriously, she should have a Twitter account, right? It’s been 10 years and I’m still not over it. Maybe I need a new show that won’t piss me off so much. I dunno. Is LOST any good? 
Facebook Comments